Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
whose parrot is this?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
