btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
