apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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