we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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