I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
