she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
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