First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
