I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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