you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I need to sanitize my soul.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
