I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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