note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize