you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
