The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
