The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
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