Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
