who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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