So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
