I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
