i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
