don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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