We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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