the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
