my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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