Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
