Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
