he puts the penis in happiness.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
