I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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