i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
