grandma shit on top of the toilet
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Even my vagina gasped.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
