Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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