I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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