Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
