Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
