I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
