You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
