I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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