peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize