LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
