Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Randomize