if you like me you must not know who I am
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
