I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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