I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just want nice things and good sex
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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