My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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