i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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