I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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