I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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