The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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