Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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