He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
