The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
