Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
