You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
well most of my day revolves around power hour
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
