Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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