is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
