If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
