just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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