i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
