final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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