It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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