Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
