after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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