dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
