if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
