I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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