So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Someone shit on the floor
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
