so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
