Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
