just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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