why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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