Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
