My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
try to milk me bitch
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