bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I forget how to act sober
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
