You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
