he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
