i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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