My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
