I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
