Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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