So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
