they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
