GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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