i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
