I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
