would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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