i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
