I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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