You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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