that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
