His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
They took my balls.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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