i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
