Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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