theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
