I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize