Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My breasts were aching with rage.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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