I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
