It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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