At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
