i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
