Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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