Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize